Let’s call this “Jack Willems and the Bad Case of Writers Block.” After last week’s post, I’m still thinking about Harry Potter. Yes, just like a stereotypical millennial, I can’t get my mind off those books. At least for now. During my last theory, I mentioned Sirius’s death and my belief that Harry was responsible for it, despite Dumbledore sugar coating it. Now, a week later, I have reconsidered. Harry still acted stupidly, but he wasn’t the most responsible person for Sirius’s death. No, that would be Sirius himself.

This doesn’t have to do with his getting into a fight at the ministry. There’s no reason he shouldn’t have been in that fight. No, this has to do with the mirror. Yes, the two-way mirror. Sirius gave Harry a two-way mirror before he went back to school on Christmas, so Harry could contact Sirius any time he wanted to. Harry only finds this out after Sirius is dead because he never opens the package. Then, presumably he forgets about it, because Harry goes to the ministry because Voldemort made him imagine that Sirius was being tortured there. Harry never feels guilty about this (which I find to be odd), but if Harry had known about the mirror, he would have contacted Sirius using the mirror and not used the fireplace in Umbridge’s office, he never would have gone to the ministry, which was an obvious trap, and Sirius never would have died. All of this was utterly dumb, but not as dumb as what Sirius did.

What did he do? He didn’t tell Harry what the gift was. No, not at Grimmauld Place. Molly Weasley would have sniffed that out. Nope, I’m talking about the first time Harry used the fireplace. Earlier in the book, before Harry fell for the world’s most obvious trap, he experienced Snape’s memory of Harry’s father and the rest of the marauders bullying him. Harry is seized with the need to speak with Sirius, which would be fine if he bothered to look inside the package Sirius gave him saying use this if you ever need to speak to me. However, Harry didn’t do this and decides he needs to use the only unmonitored fireplace in the castle, the one in Umbridge’s office, leading the Weasley twins to turn the Great Hall into a swamp as a distraction. Harry sneaks into the office and uses the fireplace to speak with Sirius, and if Sirius was a logical human being, here is how that conversation would go.

Sirius: Harry, you’re using the floo network to speak with me. Why?

Harry: I saw one of Snape’s memories I need to talk to you about.

Sirius: No, I mean I gave you a two-way mirror to speak to me whenever you want. It’s that package I gave you at Christmas. Why are you using the floo network?

Harry: Really? This is embarrassing, but I never opened it. I guess I kind of forgot about it.

Sirius: Harry, whatever you need to talk to me about, this can’t be a safe way to communicate.

Harry: Actually, no, it’s not. I guess I should cut this short.

Why didn’t Sirius do this? Yes, other people have found this plot hole, but it just irritates me more now that I’m a writer. When people don’t behave rationally in books, it bothers me now. That’s how writing changes you.

Indeed, there are a lot of things about Harry Potter that don’t make sense in retrospect. Things like, why didn’t they examine Sirius’s memories before he was sent to Azkaban. Dumbledore may have testified against him, but why bother with testimony at all in a world where Pensieves exist? How did Sirius stay in Azkaban when all the other Death Eaters know that the traitor is Peter. You expect me to believe no one would try to cut a deal when they had that kind of dirt to spill?

If Hogwarts is connected to the Floo Network, why does Molly Weasley have to send Ron a howler to chew him out? Why not do it in person? Hell, why are parents not visiting all the time? Why have dorms? Wouldn’t it be easier for students to just take the floor network every day? Does the Hogwarts Express serve any non-plot purpose? Why not just use a Portkey? If the Hogwarts Express serves no purpose, why did Ron think taking the flying car was the best way to get to Hogwarts after being shut out of the barrier in the second book? There are a thousand better ways to get to Hogwarts. Arthur Weasley could just hold Ron and Harry’s hands, apparate in Hogsmeade, and they could walk there. Shouldn’t Ron know this?

You could keep going. I guess the answer is that nothing and nobody in this world is perfect, so it’s pointless to complain. Consider in the Wizard of Oz how Dorothy is able to go home the whole time by just clicking her heels, but Glenda makes her go through the entire rigamarole of walking to Oz and killing the witch “to learn a lesson.” I can’t be the only person who threw my bottle at the screen when I first heard that.

Oh, and by the way, buy Beer Run: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BLSVRZN5