Hello everyone, I’ve made a decision as Chief Executive Officer of Jax Book Nook. You see, the numbers have come in, and this blog isn’t making me a millionaire any time soon. Maybe you’re thinking “Jack, what was the likelihood of that happening anyway? This can’t be your big plan.” Well, let me answer that concern: shut up.

In order to increase the visibility of my brand, I’m renaming my site. From this day forward, Jax Book Nook shall hereafter be known as “X.com.” This sleek, hip new URL will no doubt attract additional eyeballs and turn this failing, forgotten blog into an online powerhouse. “X” is just a cool letter. It reminds the mind of the word “extreme,” which is no doubt why it was plastered everywhere in the 1990s, American’s golden era. Now I only need to sit here and wait for the money to roll in.

(Phone rings. I pick up. Worried yelling on the other side. My face drops. I hang up.)

Attention! I just received a call from legal, and it appears that the name “X.com” has been taken recently. I swear I was unaware of this and could not have foreseen it. Come to think of it, naming a website “X.com” is pretty lame. Is it supposed to be edgy? Didn’t that whole thing get cliched in the 1990s? And that was over twenty years ago! Jeez, glad I dodged that bullet.

Now that we’re past that bad idea, I would like to announce my intention to rename Jax Book Nook as “Z.com.” Now, Z, that’s a good letter. It’s the last letter of the alphabet, and rarely used, so it’s exotic and draws the eye. That’s why savy advertisers replace “s” with “z” when advertising to kids. Makes the word look radical.

(Phone rings again. I pick up. Angry bitching on the other side. I wipe some sweat off my brow. I hang up.)

Okay, let me say this: I do not sympathize with the Russian government in any way. We (and by we, I mean, me) at Jax Book Nook support the Ukrainian people’s fight for freedom. I disavow the use of “Z.com” as this site’s new URL and claim that I never really liked the idea anyway. Besides, why call anything “Z?” What’s that even mean?

You know what letter really conveys challenging ideas and good writing? Y. As in “Why are we here? Why is the world the way that it is? Why isn’t anyone reading this? Why can’t I sell my book?” https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BLSVRZN5

You know, the big questions in life. What is that? Write better? You mean actually improve the product I’m trying to sell? No, clearly the problem is that the name isn’t catchy or recognizable enough. It’s definitely not the product being sold. People will read anything with a good enough URL. And a good URL is defined as having one letter.