Sorry for not posting. I’ve been working on a new novel that’s really going pretty well. That and things have been Hell at work. I’ve decided to try a new series here on the nook: Unreliable Narrator.

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Alright, here’s what I saw at the big game. After the coin flip, which the Chiefs won, Taylor Swift turned into a massive and ancient Red Dragon, which swooped down upon the San Francisco sideline and roasted the entire lineup, leaving nothing but devastation and destruction in her wake. The 49ers tried to flee with their lives in vain, but Swifty the Great and Terrible quickly tracked each one of them down and gobbled them up.

We then went to commercial break where the CEO of Budweiser brand unzipped his pants and pissed into a Bud Light can on camera before giving the audience the middle finger and saying, “Fuck you.” This was followed by a commercial for an online service called “It’s Legal” that can create AI-generated images of…things.

We come back to the game in the second quarter, where Swifty the Great has now abandoned the stadium and flown to San Francisco to satiate her wrath. Flying through downtown, Swifty knocks down the skyline, one by one, with her powerful wings. She roasts the Mission district with her fiery breath. The flames spread across the city as Swifty perches on the golden gate bridge and roars, shattering windows across the entire bay area and even as far as Monterrey. The city of San Francisco sinks into the sea.

The halftime show features the use of newly discovered resurrection technology, as the zombified corpses of Kurt Corbain, Jimi Hendrix, and Amy Winehouse take center stage. Fans are amazed, though some religious viewers see this a sign of the Armageddon. However, the amazement ends when the reanimated body of Prince arrives and attempts to undress Winehouse on stage.

The second half begins with Swifty flying up and down the state of California, destroying 49ers fans wherever she may find them. Swifty conspicuously avoids Southern California cities Los Angeles and San Diego, which have their own teams. Greedy owners wanting stadium deals approve. This creates an online conspiracy theory that Swifty’s appearance is really a false flag operation between city governments and NFL owners. It’s the most intelligent conspiracy theory concerning Taylor Swift this month.

Another commercial: this time for Jesus. Jesus himself appears on camera. “Look, I’m not going to try to sugar coat this,” the Lord pleads. “I know recent, and ancient, events may cast doubt on the idea that religion has something positive to offer society. But let’s remember the good parts. Remember that thing I did with the woman who was about to be stoned? Remember your grandma taking you to Church? Nobody’s perfect, other than me, of course, so why are you being so judgmental? Come on, what else are you going to do on Sunday morning? Sleep in?” Weekly church attendance goes down another two percentage points.

The game ends with the Chiefs being declared the winner by the NFL. The league recognizes Kansas City as super bowl champions once again after Swifty flies to New York, New York and lands on their corporate headquarters. Roger Goodell comes out and pays tribute to the almighty dragon, who turns back into Taylor Swift.

“Are you a god?” asks Swift.

Goodell answers in the negative, leading Swift to explode his head using lightning. Chiefs win.