Hello everyone! I am proud to announce that my literary agent now predicts we will publish “Christmas in Pandemonium” by the end of 2024, with an anticipated release date some time before Christmas. With that in mind, let me begin promoting in Earnest with another segment of “This Week in Pandemonium: June 17-23.”

June 17, 2004–The first Pandemonium reaches space as Ze’ev resident Michael Greenblatt is set in orbit by NASA to see whether he transforms during full moon in zero gravity. Results are mixed as the moon is only partially visible from the shuttle, leaving Mr. Greenblatt very hairy and with long teeth, but still standing upright.

June 18, 1974–Pandemonium Mayor Lucien Stormwater resigns in shame after admitting to having mishandled $21.45 in petty change from the city’s treasury. Wow, what used to be considered corruption.

June 19, 1865–Fieldhands celebrate their new freedom on Juneteenth…which they had received earlier that year as Pandemonium was liberated by Sherman’s army February. Most Fieldhands take advantage of the confusion by trying to get out of town.

June 20, 1621–Captain John Miller and Satanic High Priest Thomas Cramner meet for the first formal signing of the Bargain, Pandemonium’s governing document. Cramner insists on signing the Bargain in blood, and Miller obliges him, calling upon his first officer to cut his arm. The cut is infected and turns gangrene, leading to the amputation of the arm using primitive 17th century medicine.

June 21, 1919–Striking workers clash with police in Pandemonium’s industrial southwest industrial district, leaving three workers and one office dead. Field Servant Marcus Johnson blesses the bodies and finds a strange note in the policeman’s pocket.

June 22, 1774–In response to the Quebec Act, Satanic High Priest Calvin Brontious drafts a similar request for religious liberty, which he is then dissuaded from sending by his overly cautious congregation. Brontious later stated that he couldn’t imagine the English hating Satanists more than they hated Catholics.

June 23, 1917–The first Pandemonian to play in the Major Leagues, Stuart Bailey, takes the mound for the Red Sox in a game against the New York Giants. Bailey finishes a victory for the Sox after Babe Ruth is ejected for punching an umpire in the face.