Here’s this week in Pandemonium: July 29-August 4

July 29, 1868—Word is received of the ratification of the fourteenth amendment, guaranteeing basic constitutional rights and equal protection to newly freed slaves and to all Americans. In Pandemonium, Fieldhands rejoice. Witches riot, leading to the deaths of 13 Fieldhands.

July 30, 1984–Daniel Abramovich, the Left-Hand killer, is arrested and charged with the first degree murder of 12 Ze’ev women. Abramovich and his associate, Harry Gravora, are the most notable serial killers in Pandemonium history. Abramovich is declared insane and confined to a local mental institution which has a secure courtyard Abramovich can spend full moons in.

July 31, 1975—After dumping an oddly shaped package off the eastern coast of the island, members of the Genovese Crime Family tour Pandemonium island. When asked what they think of little Pandemonium town, one wise guy is quoted as saying “Spooky stuff. Maybe we should have dropped Jimmy off somewhere else.”

August 1, 1981—MTV begins broadcasting. While its initial video is “Video Kills the Radio Star,” later that day, the band “Acton and the Sisters of Sin” starring future Satanic High Priest Acton Ravenwood, performs a music video entitled “Black Mass at the Disco.” Alas, Ravenwood and his band were not destined for stardom, as the video is pulled after Ravenwood simulates sex with his bassist on screen.

August 2, 1937—The Marihuana Act officially makes marijuana illegal in the United States, with Pandemonium Resident, Stillwell Ravenwood, being one of the first individuals arrested for being in violation of the act. Stillwell admits to growing marijuana in his backyard, stating he needed to supplement his illegal income after the repeal of Prohibition caused the price of moonshine to fall.

August 3, 1854—Cramner University wins the first boat race against Winthrop University, beginning a classic American college sports rivalry. The Winthrop team takes the initial lead, but then tragically lose their lives when whirlpool forms in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and swallows them whole. Satanic High Priest Beauregard Davis is there to curse the proceedings.

August 4, 1693—Pandemonium signs “the Great Peace” with Cherokee, promising trade relations and an end to hostilities. This Great Peace ends three days later when a group of Strangers, looking for wives, raid a Cherokee village and carry away a group of maidens.