Here’s this week in Pandemonium.

August 5, 1740—Augustus Blackthorne, inspired by the Zenger decision, challenges a libel charge against him by asserting truth as a defense. Unfortunately for Blackthorne, he was being charged for claiming that King George II was a hermaphrodite. Blackthorne’s defense fails.

August 6, 1936—Famous pop artist Liev Shapiro is born to a Ze’ev family on the Northeast side of Pandemonium. His most famous work, a series of distorted and discolored portraits of large, hairy beasts wearing human clothing, are eventually inducted into the Library of Congress.

August 7, 1899—The only confirmed lynching in Pandemonium history occurs when a mob of Witches hunt down Jeremiah Milton after he is caught kissing a white woman behind a barbershop. Milton’s genitals, tongue, lips, and fingers are cut off, and his body is set on fire. When the Strangers complaint that this violates the Witches’ promise not to engage in human sacrifice, Satanic High Priest Thomas Deadwood clarifies that “this is a lynching, not a sacrifice. We aren’t savages.”

August 8, 1904—The original Miller Memorial stadium collapses during an intramural football game, leading to the deaths of 12 people. Buccaneer Head Coach Franklin Whitley suggests foul play from Cramner students might be a fault, citing the presence of a pentagram and black candles under one of the bleachers.

August 9, 1997—After a life of hard living and international acclaim, local blues legend James Freeman dies in a diabetic coma. Freeman learned the blues at the Athena Oratorium in the 1940s and toured America for nearly 50 years. Rumors that he sold his soul to the devil to learn to play the guitar are shot down by Satanic High Priest Blaise Jackson in the 1960s, who insists that Satan would not stoop to deal with a black man.

August 10, 1850—Inspired by P.T. Barnum, Stranger-born George Davidson puts on his own “Greatest Show on Earth.” His first act is a very old Fieldhand woman he claims was Satanic High Priest Beauregard Davis’s nursemaid. The High Priest calls this a “tall tale” but says he wishes Davison the best. Oddly, immediately after his first show, Davison must quit, as he suddenly develops leprosy.

August 11, 1992—The Second Satanic Temple opens its gift shop, offering tourists the opportunity to purchase replica sacrificial knives and copies of the Bargain for the first time. Christian pastors across America claim this trivializes the fact of Satanic worship in Pandemonium. Stranger Pastor Atticus MacDonald, however, tells his colleagues that “it is impossible to further trivialize that which is already trivial.”