Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Crazy Kwanzaa, Tip Top Tet, and a Solemn and Dignified Ramadan to everyone who can remember this reference, and the rest of you as well. We are still looking at a Christmas release date for Christmas in Pandemonium. Here’s this week in Pandemonium:

December 16, 1773—The Boston Tea Party occurs in Boston. Pandemonium residents, upon hearing the news, take sides, with the Loyalist Strangers holding impromptu tea parties with taxed tea and the Witches renaming the local tavern the Green Dragon and getting so drunk that the Witch community wakes up to find themselves dressed as Indians with none of the revelers remembering why or how they got in such a way.

December 17, 1970–Opportunistic Witch, Carl Goode, publishes How the Minch Stole the Winter Solstice, a shameless attempt to rip off the Dr. Suess classic. Goode is forced to halt publication of the book in response to both copyright infringement suits from Suess’s family and legal action various state consumer protection agencies.

December 18, 1918—Attempting to emulate the Wright brothers, Schlemiel Berkowitz invents his own flying machines. Berkowitz’s biplane works, but due to the presence of a full moon that night, its pilot transforms mid-flight. The confused beast jumps from the aircraft and runs amok downtown.

December 19, 1828—John C. Calhoun sparks the nullification crisis by publishing the South Carolina Exposition and Protest. This provides a rare moment of unity in Pandemonium, as the Witches, increasingly dependent on foreign trade, and the sea faring Strangers join forces to reject the Tariff of Abominations. At its zenith, newly appointed Satanic High Priest Beauregard Davis curses Andrew Jackson in the public square, invoking Satan to strike down Old Hickory. Pastor Germain Huggins of the Stranger Church, rather than condemning the act, prays separately for God to do the same.

December 20, 1860—South Carolina secedes from the Union in response to the election of Abraham Lincoln. The Witch side of Pandemonium attempts to beat the state legislature, voting to leave the Union the day beforehand, but being vetoed by the Strangers. The vote ends with councilmembers challenging each other to duels, leading to the death of three.

December 21, 1906—Cramner University’s newly formed basketball team plays Kansas, whose head coach is the inventor of the sport, Dr. James Naismith. The Red Devils lose 89-2, and Elphebas Ravenwood is named the team MVP for scoring their one basket and being able to stand while dribbling the ball.

December 22, 2004—Satanic High Priest Acton Ravenwood publishes his local history of Pandemonium town. He is criticized for cutting out any mention of human sacrifice, slavery, segregation, anti-immigrant animus, and witchcraft, instead focusing on the positives such as the dedication of the Second Satanic Temple as a historic national landmark and Ravenwood’s mother winning the 1960 quilting bee.