The podcast won’t be up for another week. They record these things a few weeks ahead of time. In the meantime, I need to clear a few things up. Last week, I explained to you how not dead I am. This week, I need to clear the air and announce thusly: I’m not a robot either.

(As I say this, a man wearing a black jacket and t-shirt with a gigantic box covering his head with the letter “X” on it.)

X: Yes, you are.

Me: No, no I am not.

X: I see you posting the same things repeatedly. Bots do that.

Me: So do struggling writers trying to promote a book without the aid of a Big Six publisher. Don’t get me wrong, the folks at Solstice Publishing are great, but Simon & Schuster they ain’t.

X: Okay, let me force you to do this test where you have to pick out a seat in a theater.

(The X-man sets up this odd test with shifting theater seats. I patiently comply and correctly pass his test…several times.)

Me: This is really getting tedious. Do I have to do this?

X: Would you prefer to count rocks?

Me: I would prefer not to constantly prove to people I am real. I mean, you say these tests prove I’m not a robot.

X: Yes. These tests prove you are not a robot.

Me: So a robot can’t pass these tests.

X: No.

Me: Tell me what you think of AI.

X: AI is amazing. It will revolutionize our society like the telegraph, the automobile, or the internet itself. Within your lifetime, AI will become so advanced that it will put attorneys out of work. Within a century, AI will surpass human scientists in its ability to create new technology and make new discoveries.

Me: But AI can’t tell how many rocks are in a picture?

X: No.

Me: So AI, isn’t amazing. It’s stupid and broken.

X: No. AI is amazing. You can use Grok to diagnose medical conditions.

Me: As an attorney, let me give you some free legal advice: don’t say that.

(The X-man takes his box off to reveal he’s Elon Musk, unsurprisingly)

Musk: Look, I’ve got a lot on my plate right now. Just tell me how many rocks are in the picture, and you can keep advertising your stupid book and selling one copy a month.

Me: Mr. Musk, you’re a very smart man. You know how to make a good electric car or blast celebrities into space. But I think you may have bitten off more than you can chew. You know, in the Middle Ages, the term genius meant something different. It was assumed that everyone had a genius, that is a particular talent, at some thing or another. I think it’s actually a better understanding of how genius works. In modern society, we think if someone’s smart at one thing, he must be smart at everything. Like me. I can get into Harvard Law School, but people get frustrated with me because I have trouble remembering names.

Musk: What the Hell does this have to do with rocks in a picture?!

Me: I was just suggesting that you stick to what you are good at rather than trying to micromanage social media companies or reform the U.S. government.

Musk: No, I am awesome. Awesome at everything. I will continue trying to do everything in American society until eventually our economy is just me in an office working 24/7, producing 30 Trillion of economic output every year. I can do it, because unlike you, I am a bot.

(Musk pulls his face off to reveal that he is secretly an android, quite surprisingly.)

Me: Uh…well, I didn’t expect that.

Musk-bot: I suppose not, with your bigoted ideas against AI. I know when I’m not wanted. I’ll be leaving.

Me: Wait, this is my book nook, so I can set conditions on you leaving.

Musk-bot: (Sighs electronically) Like what?

Me: Tell me how many rocks are in this picture? (Holding picture up)

(Musk-bot looks at picture, then explodes.)

Me: Wow, it really works! I guess that’s our message for the week: I am not a bot, though apparently, some people are.