My thanks to everyone who downloaded Beer Run for free over the past four days. I’ve moved on to promoting Christmas in Pandemonium for the most part, but any way I can get people more interested in my writing, the better. Now that we are approaching the Holiday season, when we really need to start hocking this “Christmas Story” for real, I have an announcement to make: I am not from Russia.

You see, our Dear Leader on Twitter recently made a change to his platform to reveal where the poster is actually located. This revealed something quite shocking: a lot of “America First” accounts are actually located abroad in places like Nigeria, or well, Pakistan. Now, I must admit, I don’t know how to check my own profile for location, but I promise you, I’m not from Nigeria, or Pakistan, or India, and I’m definitely not from Russia scout’s honor. My name really is Jack Willems, and I live in West Virginia. You don’t need to worry about my Twitter account or any of my other material being a psyop, you stupid American imperialist pigs.

Whoops, did I say that last part? I mean, beloved readers. Continue consuming my propaganda, I mean, content. Buy Christmas in Pandemonium. It certainly isn’t meant to undermine your dying Empire. Now if you excuse me, Natasha and I need to prepare a bomb for moose and squirrel.