Hey everyone! I wasn’t lying. I was on a podcast last Monday. It won’t be posted until next week. I’ll post it here and on Twitter when it is up. In the meantime, I thought I would share this odd news article I found. Remember what Aristotle said: “Don’t believe everything you read on the internet.”
USA Supernews.com–
Jack Willems, famed author (Holy cow! Famed author! Someone said that! Do it again! Do it again!) has died at the age of 38 (Huh?). At approximately 3 pm today, his car overturned on Interstate Route 5 in California. (I live in West Virginia) He is mourned by his wife Alexandra Daddario (Hey, I did well in life) and 50 kids. Willems found success in publishing, having written such best sellers such as The Lord of the Rings, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and the Bible. (People in heaven can’t sue me for defamation or copyright infringement, so okay, go with it)
Willems died in the same car as three other celebrities as Will Smith, Madelein Albright, and Pope Francis I (and I’m still the headline? Amazing). It appears the accident was caused by a freak tornado. (On the west coast?) Congressmen are already calling for an investigation as to how this could happen. Fingers are already being pointed at North Korea or the Russians. (Who have apparently discovered Cobra’s weather disruptor.)
Every year, billions of Americans die in car accidents. (There’s never been a billion Americans. Probably due to all the car accidents) It’s largely due to all the people driving under the influence of Coca-Cola, the leading cause of road rage. (I guess that makes sense if you’ve seen my real wife.)
Willems’ loyal readers were in mourning upon hearing his death. (Yeah, my parents would be upset about that.) Many wonder who the new top dog in the publishing world will be. (Fairly certain there are actual dogs with wider readership than me right now.) Rest in peace, Jack Willems. (I’ll try to get to sleep at least.)