Jax Book Nook

I haven’t posted much lately as I’ve been writing another novel, while promoting Beer Run II (now out on Amazon, please buy). The creative juices have been all invested in the new novel.

Another thing that happened is I decided to give up alcohol for Lent. Maybe I thought I needed to imbibe a little less. Maybe I needed to give up a little more this year. Then, I thought that maybe I needed to watch out for my health a little bit more. Who knows? But I did my 40 days without any beer, wine, or liquor (Technically 45 since I maintained abstinence on Sundays and Sundays don’t count as part of Lent. Also, I broke my fast one day early on Holy Saturday to celebrate). What was the experience like?

First, it really wasn’t that difficult. For all the people who have accused me of being an alcoholic, I’ve had one response: I just like the taste of beer. Well two responses. The other is that I’m a functional alcoholic. Turns out the first part was right, at least. I don’t know how functional I am, drunk or sober. The one thing I really missed was the taste of beer, and this desire was ameliorated by the expanding variety of non-alcoholic beer in the world.

A word on that: non-alcoholic beer is actually getting to be pretty good. This was a surprise to me because when I was growing up, non-alcoholic beer was a joke. Of course, I’m American, so when I was growing up, beer in general was kind of a joke. It’s not like Busch Light NA was that much worse than Busch Light. But brewers really are getting better at their trade, and near beer is approximating the taste of real beer better and better every day. Not quite there but getting close. If you are interested in it yourself, I would recommend Sierra Nevada’s hop infused sparkling water and their Ale Trail Beer. BrewDog is also pretty good, as is Guinness’s new attempt at alcohol free stout.

Another side note: do not try non-alcoholic wine. Every non-alcoholic wine I tried tasted like it was made in the bottom of a convicted felon’s toilet. You can skip that one. You aren’t missing anything. Maybe in a few years someone will find a way to make non-alcoholic wine that tastes good, but clearly brewers are ahead of vintners in this regard. Right now, non-alcoholic wine tastes like my uncle’s homemade wine, only it won’t make you hallucinate if you have too much.

Second thing, I noticed no real difference in how I felt on a day-to-day basis. This was for both good and bad. The absence of alcohol in my life did not leave me feeling stressed out every day, which was a real concern for me going in because I’m an attorney with two young kids at home. On the other hand, I didn’t really feel like my health got any better. If anything, I probably gained weight because I started snacking more, which I really shouldn’t be doing during Lent.

I guess that leads me to one of the things about alcohol I actually missed, being able to go out and celebrate something. Food really doesn’t do that for me in this regard. Beer really just hits the spot when you need to reward yourself for getting through a tough day, particularly a high-class beer like a good barleywine or a triple IPA.

On the plus side, I didn’t feel as much guilt if I cracked open a non-alcoholic beer a little earlier in the evening right after work. My wife generally doesn’t like the smell of beer, and I try to start late at night if I’m imbibing. One of these things is ameliorated by non-alcoholic beer. My wife still doesn’t like the smell, but I feel better having a non-alcoholic beer at 5:30 with dinner.

Why not give it up completely? Other than the fact that it would be awkward to become a teetotaler after writing a book called Beer Run, I just enjoy beer. Is it good for you? No, but a lot of great things in life aren’t good for you. Cheese and cured meats. Rare steaks. French fries. If I gave them all up, I could live another ten years, which I would mostly spend drooling in a nursing home my children refuse to visit because it smells. No thanks. I’ll just have fun and let my heart explode at 70. Doctors may lecture me, but the good people at the CBO trying to figure out how to make social security work will probably send me a thank you card.

By the way, now that I’ve got two books, I probably need to promote them a little different. Here’s a link to Beer Run: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BLSVRZN5

Here’s a link to Beer Run II: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CW1FWB32/

Here’s a link to Solstice Publishing: Solstice Publishing Home (solsticeempire.com)

Hello again. It’s been an exciting week with Beer Run II coming out. I think I nearly forgot to mention that I have now gotten a second independent book store to carry Beer Run. Plot Twist books will now carry copies of Beer Run. Hopefully, I can get both Plot Twist Books and Scapegoat Books to carry the sequel as well.

Speaking of that, I thought I’d post a copy of the book cover for Beer Run II below.

After months of waiting, it has finally arrived: Beer Run II is available on Amazon. Simply check this link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CW1FWB32/

Also, you can find this book, and my original book, on the website of Summer Solstice, my publisher: Solstice Publishing Home (solsticeempire.com). My thanks to everyone at Solstice Publishing who made this possible. ds

Finally, I’ve convinced another local bookstore to sell Beer Run, the original. Plot Twist Books in South Charleston, WV will start stocking copies of Beer Run this weekend. It’s been a banner week here on the nock. I hope it will be a long-fruitful partnership.

I hope you all give Beer Run II a chance.

Hello, everyone, it’s been a while since I last posted. That’s due to the fact that I only have so much creativity at one time, and pretty much all of it has been used writing a new novel, which I have just completed the first draft of. It’s a completion of the idea I had talked about earlier on this blog about a world where people have virtual families in the cloud. My obsession is somewhat sated now that I have a first draft at approximately 80,000 words.

More importantly, I have an update for Beer Run II: The Great Reckoning. We’ve moved past the editing stage and have selected a cover for the book. I don’t have a finalized cover yet, or a finalized draft, but it’s coming down the pipe. As a summary of the story, the Lunatics, a Xenophobic group of populists, are convinced by an online conspiracy theory that Bill is a cannibal. To investigate the possibility of a lawsuit, Bill’s lawyer hires Bill’s intern, Jimmy, to look into Cody Duncan, the presumptive leader of the movement. Jimmy finds Cody to be a con artist, the kind he admires, but as he goes deeper undercover, Jimmy loses himself in his role and soon finds himself on the wrong side of the con.

I will update later as the book approaches publication date. Thanks for checking in.

We’re going to try another new feature here on the Nook: Citation Needed. Citation Needed is a column where we explore unique “factual” claims that could perhaps use better support. Let’s get started.

***

There’s an active debate among historians as to whether Shakespeare was a real person. Sure, there’s the fact that we know he was a real person from commonly kept records at the time, and all the documentary evidence appears to favor him being the author of the plays attributed to him. But how could a commoner like Shakespeare both know and understand the complex life of the royal court? How could such great plays be written by someone with little education from dirt poor Stratford? Frankly, how could a man who came from nothing write beautiful plays that spoke to the human condition?

The answers to these questions are simple: Williams Shakespeare had telepathy. It explains everything. The lack of education? That can be solved if you know how to read minds. Knowledge of royal courts? He might not have been allowed in the royal court, but he was definitely interacted with people who were. Just read their minds, and you know everything. Who knows more about the human condition than a man who’s seen the inside of everyone’s mind? Nobody.

It explains so much. How else could Shakespeare write such beautiful sonnets about beautiful women and a mid-summer’s day? Keep in mind, this is England, which has little of either of those. Maybe he met a Frenchman once. How could an uneducated tradesman understand the motivations of a king like Henry V? What? You think a man like Henry V was a man like any other, as if some nobody could understand him? Would a man with no education ponder what it means to exist like Hamlet? No, without a university degree, the most complicated thoughts you will ever have concerning human existence are worrying about whether your live-in girlfriend is pregnant right after you get laid off from the 7-Eleven. The only way Billy Shakespeare could write these amazing works of art is through the power of telepathy.

Now, you might ask what documentary evidence I have of this. None. But the only alternative is to believe that people who have no formal degrees in the fine arts or even any formal education are fully capable of creating great art, which is a prospect I can’t handle. Or that Shakespeare’s plays were written by Francis Bacon or Edward de Vere, but the people who believe that are nuts.

Sorry for not posting. I’ve been working on a new novel that’s really going pretty well. That and things have been Hell at work. I’ve decided to try a new series here on the nook: Unreliable Narrator.

***

Alright, here’s what I saw at the big game. After the coin flip, which the Chiefs won, Taylor Swift turned into a massive and ancient Red Dragon, which swooped down upon the San Francisco sideline and roasted the entire lineup, leaving nothing but devastation and destruction in her wake. The 49ers tried to flee with their lives in vain, but Swifty the Great and Terrible quickly tracked each one of them down and gobbled them up.

We then went to commercial break where the CEO of Budweiser brand unzipped his pants and pissed into a Bud Light can on camera before giving the audience the middle finger and saying, “Fuck you.” This was followed by a commercial for an online service called “It’s Legal” that can create AI-generated images of…things.

We come back to the game in the second quarter, where Swifty the Great has now abandoned the stadium and flown to San Francisco to satiate her wrath. Flying through downtown, Swifty knocks down the skyline, one by one, with her powerful wings. She roasts the Mission district with her fiery breath. The flames spread across the city as Swifty perches on the golden gate bridge and roars, shattering windows across the entire bay area and even as far as Monterrey. The city of San Francisco sinks into the sea.

The halftime show features the use of newly discovered resurrection technology, as the zombified corpses of Kurt Corbain, Jimi Hendrix, and Amy Winehouse take center stage. Fans are amazed, though some religious viewers see this a sign of the Armageddon. However, the amazement ends when the reanimated body of Prince arrives and attempts to undress Winehouse on stage.

The second half begins with Swifty flying up and down the state of California, destroying 49ers fans wherever she may find them. Swifty conspicuously avoids Southern California cities Los Angeles and San Diego, which have their own teams. Greedy owners wanting stadium deals approve. This creates an online conspiracy theory that Swifty’s appearance is really a false flag operation between city governments and NFL owners. It’s the most intelligent conspiracy theory concerning Taylor Swift this month.

Another commercial: this time for Jesus. Jesus himself appears on camera. “Look, I’m not going to try to sugar coat this,” the Lord pleads. “I know recent, and ancient, events may cast doubt on the idea that religion has something positive to offer society. But let’s remember the good parts. Remember that thing I did with the woman who was about to be stoned? Remember your grandma taking you to Church? Nobody’s perfect, other than me, of course, so why are you being so judgmental? Come on, what else are you going to do on Sunday morning? Sleep in?” Weekly church attendance goes down another two percentage points.

The game ends with the Chiefs being declared the winner by the NFL. The league recognizes Kansas City as super bowl champions once again after Swifty flies to New York, New York and lands on their corporate headquarters. Roger Goodell comes out and pays tribute to the almighty dragon, who turns back into Taylor Swift.

“Are you a god?” asks Swift.

Goodell answers in the negative, leading Swift to explode his head using lightning. Chiefs win.

Good news! I have successfully placed Beer Run on the shelves of a bookstore! (Round of Applause) I successfully convinced Chip Smith of Scapegoat Books, located at the Eclectic Goods Market in Dunbar to purchase four copies of Beer Run at a heavy discount. (Very heavy, but still) This is the first time a bookstore has purchased copies for resale. Needless to say, it’s a momentous occasion. Hopefully, it will not be the last. If anyone would like to visit Scapegoat Books, the Eclectic Goods Market is at 1401 Charles Avenue, Dunbar, WV 25064.

I’m eyeing a few other independent bookstores in the area. Hoping to get Beer Run in more stores. If you know of any independent bookstores that would be interested in stocking Beer Run, please let me know.

Recently, a United States District Court in the Southern District of New York has unsealed records from a civil case against Jeffrey Epstein from 2015, giving rise to a “list” of mentioned individuals. While not every name on the list was a client of Epstein, names that have appeared have caused people to wonder. I have obtained one particular section of the record which, I believe, has gone uncovered.

***

Trial Transcript–Witness Statement

Plaintiff’s Counsel: State your name for the record please.

Witness: (Inaudible)

PC: Could you repeat that?

Witness: You know who I am.

PC: Your honor…

His Honor: The witness will repeat his name so the jury can hear him. Better yet. Spell it out.

Witness: (Sigh) M-I-C…K-E-Y….M-O-U-S-E. Mickey Mouse.

PC: You are the same Mickey Mouse who appeared in Steamboat Willie?

MM: Yeah, that’s me. I’m sure you’ve seen my work. Do you have any questions?

PC: Yes, several. Let’s start with this: How did you meet Mr. Epstein?

MM: Through friends.

PC: Which friends?

MM: Peter Pan. Frankenstein’s monster. The Tooth Fairy.

HH: Would you like to spend a night in jail Mr. Mouse?

MM: I met him through DiCaprio. I do work in movies, you know.

PC: Who initiated contact first?

MM: I did.

PC: Why?

MM: I needed someone to manage my money, and he was a genius. He added a zero onto my bank account, and my bank account had plenty of zeroes in the first place.

PC: When did you first hear about Little Saint James?

MM: You mean Jeffrey’s secret island?

PC: Yes, the one he took Ms. Giuffre to.

MM: Oh, the other secret island. Sorry about that. I think Ghislaine told Minnie about it at a charity event we were all at. The Clintons were there as well. Minnie made a comment about how many interns he actually boinked, and then Ghislaine stopped a minute, like she was kind of counting in her head, and then said “At least seven.” One thing led to another and we are all suddenly getting onto a charter plane to the middle of the Virgin Islands.

PC: Who was all on the plane?

MM: Other than Minnie, myself, Jeffrey and Ghislaine?

PC: Yes.

MM: Well, there was Donald.

PC: By Donald you mean…

MM: Yeah, you know, the guy who speaks nonsense and doesn’t wear pants.

PC: Oh, you mean Donald…

MM: Trump. Sorry, took me a while to remember.

PC: Huh. I mean you said the guy who speaks nonsense and doesn’t wear pants…

MM: When I met the guy, he wasn’t wearing pants, and I’ve never been able to understand a word that came out of that bastard’s mouth.

PC: Okay, so Mr. Trump was on the plane without pants. What was he doing?

MM: The plane was filled with the USC cheer squad, completely naked, crawling around on their knees. Use your imagination.

PC: I’m going to need you to be more specific.

MM: He was eating a well-done steak with ketchup. Donnie couldn’t get it up. He hasn’t been able to get an erection in years. I think it had something to do with Melania setting his pubic hair on fire after the whole Stormy thing.

PC: Well, who were the girls for?

MM: Stephen Hawking. The things that guy could do with a finger, let me tell you.

PC: Other than them, was anyone else there?

MM: Nope, that was it. Oh, I guess you would consider Enrico, Jeffrey’s tiny man servant to be a person. I never think of the little people.

PC: You mean he’s a little person?

MM: He’s a midget, but when I use the term “little people,” I’m referring to people who have to fly commercial.

PC: What did he do?

MM: Other than Jeffrey himself, when we landed, he stepped on the tarmac first and said “Welcome to the Magical Sex Island, where your most sordid masturbation fantasies come true!” in that little voice from the show.

PC: So we get to the island. Who else is there?

MM: Who wasn’t there? Al Gore, Richard Branson, George Lucas, the pope.

PC: Which pope?

MM: Both of them. We didn’t need God there. We were gods. You could get anything your heart desired. Both sexes. All ages. Dressed in whatever costume you needed.

PC: Did you see Ms. Giuffre there?

MM: No. Jeffrey brought us there to live out our fantasies. I wasn’t interested in a young girl. I spent most of my time playing with the dog.

PC:…

MM: You heard me.

Big announcement everyone! Beer Run II: The Great Reckoning, has been accepted for publication by Solstice Publishing and is now in editing. My thanks to the good people at Solstice Publishing for helping me get the sequel published. Here’s their website, if you want to check out what else they have published: Solstice Publishing Home (solsticeempire.com).

To give you all a summary of what the next story is about, it takes place immediately after the events of the first book, with Bill and Cassandra arriving back on the moon. Bill, followed by the world’s most obvious government spy, to find someone has set his lawn furniture on fire. It is none other than Jethro Duff, leader of the Lunatics, who has a new vendetta against Bill stemming from an online conspiracy called “The Great Reckoning,” which accuses Bill of being a cannibal. Bill engages a lawyer to sue these people, who in turn hires Bill’s intern, Jimmy, as a private investigator. However, when Jimmy infiltrates the organization, he finds himself getting caught up a little too much in his undercover role.

I wanted to write a sequel focusing on the Lunatics because they were a part of the last book, but they really didn’t play that much into the plot. I thought Jethro and Co. needed a little more thought given the cultural moment we were in. Furthermore, I am trying to write novels that focus on different characters in my universe, and whereas Isaac and Cassandra were a big part of the last book, this book concentrates on Jimmy.

Hopefully, I’ve intrigued you. I want to sell lots of copies. Here’s a link to the original, by the way:

As I came home from work on Friday, looking forward to the New Years Day weekend, and all the clock turning festivities that entails, I suddenly got struck by an idea for a book. It gripped me. In a way that I haven’t been gripped by an idea in several years. The last time I got gripped by this idea was for Pandemonium, my yet unpublished first novel, and I have been rewriting and trying to get that published for three years now. Still haven’t quite gotten that finished.

Much like Pandemonium, this idea hit me like a thunderbolt, and by the end of Sunday, I had a two-page outline, single-spaced, that laid out an entire science fiction novel. I won’t describe it in complete detail, but it takes place in a world where people work jobs in the physical world during the day and then plug their brains into the cloud at night to live with a “virtual family” they buy upgrades to from a multinational corporation. The main character is about to retire with his virtual family permanently when he logs on one night to find they are all gone, the result of a hack of his online account.

The funny thing about this idea is that I’ve got a lot of pans in the fire right now, so I can’t really execute it until I hear back on a few other things, among them, ironically, being Pandemonium, which I am waiting to hear back on from a few independent publishers. That’s why I am wondering if an outline is all I can write at this moment. I might get some kind of start on it, but I can’t promise to finish it with all the other things I have going on.

Ever had that happen to you? You get struck by an idea and then you can’t think about anything else for a few days? What do you do if your schedule is so full, you can’t really act on it at the time? People talk about writer’s block, but what happens when the idea comes and you have no time to act on it? Which is a worse problem for you?